Good morning.
I ended up getting into a giant fight with my girlfriend last night, over the issue of whether I have her back on things. We argue fairly regularly, and boy does it feel healthy. Nothing like a juicy argument to keep the love lines open. However, they don't always come at convenient times. And darn it, she's right. I haven't had her back on things. I've disrespected our relationship and disrespected her. Time to change.
So I stayed up too late, wound up too tight, worried, stressed, argumentative and apologetic, and I overslept and missed my morning run. *#&*%$&#!!!! I'm at work, and I'm angry at myself (for what I lack), angry with her (for calling out the best in me), full of acid and feeling headachey.
On the plus side, I didn't eat breakfast. I just stomped out of the apartment this morning, without taking any food.
That'll show her.
(yes, I realize how this sounds)
Wow. Stupid ego of mine. Really likes to louse things up when threatened. I'm standing FAR BACK from my ego on this one. yes. Time to change, and time to pray.
as for the running....I'll run tonight, instead of playing volleyball with my friends. Or maybe I'll run, and then go cheer my friends on. That sounds reasonable. 17 days away. This friggin' marathon is revealing a lot of my personal deficiencies, not the least of which includes poor time management, lack of ownership of my decisions, weak character and poor follow through. yay. WHY did I start running?
But even in the midst of feeling crummy, used, and abused, I still think that without a doubt I have a lovely life. These are nice problems to have. I may not enjoy having to face personal deficiencies in my character, but the opportunity to grow beyond them? Priceless. I hope I can overcome my toughest opponent.
Lord, please wash away my iniquities. Reveal the man inside, and let true character be revealed and strengthened. My ego....please burn it to ash and let it be carried away on a sweet summer breeze.
Take care! This ranks up there as one of my most heartfelt (and personally annoying) posts to date.
Frank
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